loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
