Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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