I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
