got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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