I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
