I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
