I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
