Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize