she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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