Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
