it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
