it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize