He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
