dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
don't judge my taste in strippers
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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