i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
