I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
