Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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