Grow some girl-balls and come out already
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
