you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
