in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
