Your mouth is God's brothel.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
