the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
