Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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