He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
