I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
