And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
