Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I looked at my own cervix.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
