worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
