ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
