The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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