I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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