Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
