Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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