Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
