She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
