What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
