Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize