Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
