if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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