The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
