I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize