Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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