You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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