she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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