she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
