I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
