hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
