This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
