And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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