i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
