Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
