Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize