You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
