we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
