Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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