I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
