If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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