R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
