that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
