It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
