It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
