Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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