I would go down on you faster than GM stock
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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