dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
