He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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