I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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