All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
