Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
