it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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