You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
