At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
