Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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