I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
