found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
