It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
