Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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