im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
